Mondays are supposed to be the day I try a new recipe from my big box o' recipes. This Monday, however, was so much more special for our family. Sunday night, at 5:45, my nephew, Emmett Robert Thornton, came into this world at 6lbs 3oz, 20 1/2 inches long. He is an incredibly cute baby. Being his aunt I'm sure I am somewhat biased. I also know that as a mother I cannot think he is cuter than my own were when they were born. His mother, Brittany, had a 14 hour labor and came through beautifully with the help of an epidural and a million family members. The waiting room was completely full and it was all for this one precious little baby
Larch had told me Thursday, that while he was ready for Emmett to get here, he knew it would just cause me to talk about wanting another baby that much more. He was right in some ways and wrong in others. I defiantly still want another baby. But, I also know I can get my baby fix down the road in Post Falls, at least for a little while. The events of this weekend did cause us to sit down and talk more seriously about the desire to add to our little family.
It turns out, Larch has "no real reasons" to say no to a baby; he is just ready to be done with the baby stage of our life. I do admit this is a real reason, but I guess he feels it's just a selfish reason that he can't make stand up against my obvious, passionate desire for one more. I can't come up with a better reason than I want one, I feel like our family isn't complete yet, and I want one.
After some very calm and unheated discussion, we have agreed, more or less, that we will have, or try to, one more. After that, I can't see myself having anymore. I'm even toying with the thought of tubal ligation after our next one. I have an inkling that really our more permanent form of birth control will be via vasectomy. Something tells me that it will cost less. And it's outpatient surgery.
I don't know yet if this means we are intentionally trying yet, or whether we've just agreed that maybe it's ok to have another. Either way, I am happy we are no long in contention over the topic. I love being a mother. I don't always think I've been the best mother to my children, but I hear that lots of mothers feel that way. I also know I have not been a healthy mother. That is changing. Therapy and a couple of prescriptions really seem to be helping. I told my mother-in-law tonight that, "I think I want to have another baby now, because I feel healthier than I've ever felt, even in the midst of second trimester glow." Hopefully, this healthy feeling will only increase as I continue to seek treatment and learn to handle emotional roller coaster that is Borderline Personality Disorder. I love feeling well.
I love that I feel worn out because I am a mother, not because I am constantly irritable, irrational, and irresponsible. I love that I feel tired because my kids wear me out, not because I am stressed and expending all my energy being disappointed, pessimistic and bitchy. I love that I feel like I can talk to my husband without exploding or feeling judged. And I love that my relationships with the important people in my life are improving.
I know that despite all this feeling of well-being and being ready for another baby, there are people in my life, whose opinions do occasionally matter, who think maybe we are not ready, or we should be done. I respect their concerns but I also know that when I married Larch, our lives because ours to conduct how we would, with occasionally input from others, but with the final decisions being our own. I hope we are making the right decision now. I've never felt so full of love as I do being surrounded by my family, immediate and extended.
Congratulations Joe and Brittany. Emmett is a beautiful baby and he will be a source of love and joy for all of us.
You done good.