Saturday, June 7, 2014

A Reply

If you haven't read "To My Friends Who Became Mothers Before Me" at, go here first and read it. This is my reply.

To my now knowledgeable, and therefore guilt-ridden, best friend who has finally taken the plunge into motherhood.

You are forgiven.

You are forgiven for uttering the words "I'm tired." You didn't know. I didn't know before kids either. Take heart, it gets better. It will be years yet, but eventually your children will be less demanding and you may get to sleep in or take a nap.

You are forgiven for your welling meaning baby food book. To be honest, I don't really remember you giving it to me, much less where I put it. 

You are forgiven for thinking it would be fun for you and your boyfriend to be my house guests days before delivery. I was the fool who said ok. I was thinking pregnancy is miserable and I needed a distraction from all the waiting.

You are forgiven for calling me with all of your single girl drama. Yes, talking on the phone is torture with young kids, but maybe more for you than for me. I was the one who kept interrupting you to yell at the kids. To be honest, I was feeling nostalgic about "the good old days" and you reminded me that my life as a mother was hectic but much less drama filled. And I was dying to talk to someone who could use words longer than two syllables.

You are forgiven for talking to me while sleep deprived. You didn't know. And don't worry about rubbing my feet. That's my husband's job.

You are forgiven for not bringing me food, or folding my laundry, or doing my dishes. (You are a better cook now, then you were then). Thank YOU for not commenting on the disastrous state of my house. For finding a place to sit amongst the clean but unfolded laundry piles with nary a word. And for holding the baby while I made you that lunch. I am human. I didn't tell you then, but all I did was warm up the leftovers from dinner the night before. I'm glad you liked it.

Please do not apologize for asking me to come downtown for margaritas. On the occasions I did go, I really needed an excuse to shower. On the times I didn't, I really wanted to, but passed out while putting the kids to bed. Speaking of margaritas, do you want to go out and have one, or should I bring the ingredients and the blender to your place after bedtime?

You are forgiven for your baby envy. It happens to everyone. Even when you have kids. Sometimes especially when you have older kids.

You are forgiven for not knowing my children's nap and meal schedule. I may have grumbled then, but it taught them to sleep anywhere and be flexible. And if you stayed with me through their crankiness, you have paid your penance. 

You are so welcome. Loving someone means putting someone else's needs before your own. I knew that before the stupid snowman said it to the girl who sang the song I can't get out of my head. I will always stand by you. You stuck it out with me.

Thank you. Mothers often feel under appreciated. You too, are doing an amazing job. You are an awesome mother. I am proud of you for taking on motherhood after having seen me struggle through it. You are truly brave. I will always be your friend.


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