Tuesday, March 27, 2012

Ten Things Tuesday--That Mom

We all know her. The perfect mom who fills us with feelings of hatred, jealousy, and self-loathing. Here are ten reasons that mom makes us want to scream.

1. She had the perfect pregnancy. Nothing went wrong. She had no morning sickness, no stretch marks, no heartburn, no swollen ankles, no back pain, nothing. She was glowing and happy the whole time. My sister-in-law was one of these.

2. Six months after that mom has her baby, not only is she down to her pre-pregnancy weight, she has passed it and is smaller than she was when she conceived. These mom's are rare, and generally appear in tabloid with the help of personal trainers that we can't even dream of affording. They are also probably starving.

3. That mom has kids who wear the cutest  matching outfits. Every item is wrinkle and stain free. They do not wear purple leggings with orange dresses or other such combinations that occur when we just grab the first things our hands touch. Her kids always have clean faces and neatly coiffed hair. You know that if she dressed her kids in all white, their clothes would still be white at the end of the day.

4. Her kid's lunches look like this:

while our kids eat this:

5. That mom always wear an apron when she cooks, but we don't know why. When she puts dinner on the table her apron is still spotless. So is her kitchen, which makes me think she didn't really cook whatever she is serving.

6. When that mom's kids start kindergarten, their baby books are completely finished. Our kids don't have baby books; or they do, but they are empty and collecting dust in the back of the closet.

7. That mom's car looks brand new. There are not crayons, toys, crumbs, mud, fingerprints, or empty McDonald's bags scattered all over. Her car even smells brand new.

8. Her house is spotless, her kids are well-behaved, she cooks dinner every night, and still has time to read those books that have been on your to read list for years but will have to wait until your kids graduate high school.

9. When at the park, her clothes look like she walked off the pages of a magazine, her make up is perfect, her hair is not pulled back into a sloppy ponytail. Also, when it's time to go home, her kids say, "yes mommy" instead of throwing themselves on the ground screaming for 5 more minutes.

10.  Her carpets are lacking of mud or food stains.

Some of us can achieve one or two of these things occasionally. I do not believe I know any mothers who can achieve all of these, all the time.


  1. I'm not even a mom and your list cracked me up.

    1. Thank you. I'm always worried that I'm not as funny when I try to be as I am on accident.

  2. Oh, I want to be *that* mom!!! But for now, I will take my happiness in accidentally slashing her tires....

    (I know! MOV has a dark side!)

    1. I hadn't thought of that. Maybe while you do that, I'll accidentally confuse her open car windows with a trash can and dump some empty fast food bags in her back seat.


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