Friday, March 2, 2012

Life, Interrupted

I watched Girl, Interrupted, for the first time the other day. A couple of things really struck me. One: at the beginning of the movie, I saw nothing of myself in Susanna, even though she was diagnosed BPD. Two: The more I watched, the more I saw of my past. I am not who I was 5 years ago, but 5 years ago, I was a lot like SusannaThree: I am so glad that mental health care is not what it was in 60s. We have come so far, an I am so unbelievably grateful. Four: Susanna was interrupted for 18 months, BPD is really a life long interruption. It's not like a commercial interruption, where the show continues after a period of time. BPD is more like having a baby. It stops your life plans and completely changes the course of things.
This last thing, the life long interruption, came to mind because of the Bible study I'm involved in right now; Jonah: Navigating a Life Interrupted by Prisicilla Shirer. I deal with a really big interruption. And it didn't just interrupted my life. My BPD affects my husband, my children, my parents, my siblings, even my friends. My mother never planned on having to parent her child even after I was married and had children of my own, but the reality is, sometimes I still need to be parented. My husband, I'm sure, did not plan on being married to such a complicated and confusing woman. My children will never know differently, but they will always have a mother who is different from everyone else. A mother who sometimes cannot be the mom they need her to be. My siblings and friends are carry as much of a burden because of me, but they still have to remember to step lightly, and not spring things on my last minute. I don't do well when overwhelmed.

Prisicilla prefers to refer to interruptions as "divine interventions." In week one, she reminded us that we are made with a purpose and for a purpose. God had a holy plan for me, even before I was conceived. In week two, she discusses how interruptions can be challenging. No argument there. The truth we need to hold on to is that God will give us the strength to handle whatever challenges come our way. Knowing this an believing this are two different things.

My life is interrupted. How I choose to view and use this interruption is my choice. I choose to get stronger, to get better. I choose to use this time to help others like me. I choose to view this as a divine intervention. I was given this burden for a reason, and I will be given the strength to get through it. I am interrupted. And I will thrive.

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