Monday, June 9, 2014

Saturday in Redneckville

So I've done a couple of Saturday in Redneckville labeled posts in the past but I have decided to make it a weekly feature. At least for the duration of the summer. The idea being that I will write about an interesting, redneck event experienced or perpetrated by my family and/or close friends. I think this will be infinitely easier than trying to continue Ten Things Tuesday, which I now realize was forced and not as funny and clever as I liked. Also, as I recover from BPD, I am losing my need to constantly make lists for and about everything.

So, here's how I envision this working. Every Sunday or Monday (smart money says Monday) I will post a Saturday in Redneckville post. I like the sound of that title. I have a feeling most things I write about will occur on a Saturday, but I can't guarantee it.

DISCLAIMER: Larch has informed me that he and his brothers are roughnecks not rednecks and that I barely qualify as a country girl and therefore I am definitely not a redneck woman. I will concede the point about roughneck verses redneck, but by and large the majority of the American population doesn't not understand the difference. I believe his lack of confidence in my country girl status is more his nice way of saying I am a wuss. He may be right, but I put my clothes on a line to dry, I make bread from scratch, I like to fish, and I know how to make a deer roast palatable, I think I am country enough. If you add in that I like to "stand barefooted in my own from yard with a baby on my hip" and my undying love of country music (and possibly my tendency to giggle uncontrollably while riding on the back of a 4-wheeler while slightly intoxicated) I think I may also qualify as a mildly redneck woman.

So for this week....I had a hard time deciding between a story involving a bar, lost kids, some cops and a pregnant woman, or to share pictures from Johnny's Birthday BBQ.  I chose the BBQ because Larch built the most awesome fort out of cardboard boxes and my 4 year old took a nap in a playpen. However, I promise to write about the other thing soon.  I've already told the pregnant woman that she has no say, I am writing it, but I will change her name.

Johnny's Birthday BBQ

The first thing you need to know about my family is that it's big. Larch is the oldest of four. All four Thornton kids has spouses (or in one case a long term girlfriend) Larch and I have Johnny and Lily. There is a 15 year old and two toddlers. That's 13 people so far. Larch's parents are divorced so there are three grandparents on that side of the family plus on really close friend who is not technically my mother in law's boyfriend. Now we are at 17. My side of the family has my mom, my dad, my sister, and one set of my grandparents (the other set live in New Mexico so they never come to family events). 22. Family events generally include one of our sets of friends who have a little girl Johnny's age and a new baby. That's 25 + a baby. Then you add in my bestie, her husband and their three kids, there is the distinct possibility of 30+ people being in my backyard for a family event like a birthday. Since we all have dogs, you could also add in up to 7 dogs. This weekend we only had 23, sixteen adults and 7 kids, and 2 dogs. That's a lot of hamburgers y'all.

As I said above, Larch built the most awesome cardboard box castle for the kids to hide out in.

Other redneck-ish occurrences included Johnny's receiving new arrows for his bow, a hunting backpack, and fishing gear among his presents. (He also received normal 7 year old presents like Legos, books, a movie, and a ladder ball set, which now that I think about it is more of an adult game, but still less redneck than a hunting backpack).

Also. Bonfire.


  1. My son would love that box plaza.... it's like a dream come true for him.

    1. The kids loved it. I think a couple of the adults even crawled through it after a few beers. And then the kids loved destroying it the next day. My best friend and I went dumpster diving at a furniture store to get the cardboard.


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