Saturdays in Redneckville: A Sunday Hike

Like any blogger who is convinced they can become famous, I try to drive traffic to my blog by reading and commenting on other blogs. I'm not sure it works, but I have come across some blogs that I really enjoy and have begun reading regularly (because as a full time mother, full time failing housewife, and part time fabric store employee I totally have hours to waste devote to reading blogs online for the sheer enjoyment of it). One of the blogs I have become addicted to is Tilting at Windmills authored by CWMartin. He regularly writes about walks he takes with his dog, Scrappy, complete with pictures. One of these posts inspired me to take a hike as a family. Lucky for me the Seahawks had a bye week and Larch and I both have Sundays off. I told Larch I wanted to go for a hike, but I wanted a trail or a road or something to walk on because I am a wimp and smart money says at least one of us will be carrying at least one of the children at least part way back to the car. He thought about it, and picked probably the most awesome last minute destination ever.

We drove for an hour, maybe more, I was distracted by the view.

On any good hike, we start with food.

This is not a no trespassing gate. This is a keep the motorized vehicles out gate. My son pointed out that someone just drove their four wheeler around the gate. 

Lily never wants to hold Daddy's hand.

This was about a half mile in.

According to Larch, these are hallucinogenic. I will take his word for it as they also contain arsenic. 

This is blurry, but it is a really old wheelbarrow. This is how we knew we were getting close to our final destination.

Old Mine shack/shaft. Well played husband.

So what does any good North Idaho family do?

 We get closer...

and closer...

and look inside.

And we go around and find another building. We think it was an office, living space, or MAYBE a secondary entrance.

See...Daddy has to carry Lily at least some of the time.

You can't tell from this picture, but we think this is the remains of a cooking stove.

It's hunting season, so we make our dog wear an orange vest.

Still carrying Lily.

That blue out there between the close mountains and the far mountains, is Lake Pend Oreille.

While I was busy taking picture of the distant lake, the kids were doing this...

We ended the day at Superman and Lois Lane's. Superman and Larch brewed some beer that should be ready around Halloween, while we watched movies and the kids played in the dirt. And Johnny lost another tooth.

He could be a Jack O'Lantern for Halloween this year. Or a cage fighter.

Saturday in Redneckville: Football Fever

You would more or less have to live under a rock to not realize that it is football season in the USA. I mean the kind with a brown oval ball and big black men in pads and helmets, not the one with the round ball and men in shorts running around. I happen to be a pretty decent football fan. Wait, I am a Seahawks fan, not really football in general. I watch games in which my team plays but I don't take time out of my Monday and Thursday to watch teams whose merchandise I don't buy.

I am not going to give you a run down of the Seattle/Denver game. We won and that's all the matters. The fact that it was in overtime just means that my heart rate and blood pressure were very likely temporarily at unhealthy rates.

 I brought up football because, I learned this weekend that my husband could take it or leave it when it comes to watching football, but I might have a conniption if I miss a game. If the fact that I kicked my husband out while the game was on (the Seahawks play better when he listens on the radio at his brothers) wasn't weird enough, I "watched" the game with my sister via Facebook messenger.  She recently moved to Denver. (I should maybe call her and make sure her Seahawk loyalties didn't get her killed or maimed today.) While we aren't, and never were, very close, she, like me, lettered in football in high school, so we do sort of bond over football. And it's no fun to watch by yourself.

Also, these amazing  pictures of my kids amusing themselves while I screamed at the sweaty young men on my television.

Johnny made himself "overalls" out of a plastic shopping bag while on time out.

I have no idea what Lily was doing here. She was just sitting there making this face.

P.S. I guess I better clarify the lettering in football. Neither my sister or I actually played football. She did get tackled once though. We were the statisticians.  We ran up and down the sidelines during the game keeping track of yards run and yards passed, interceptions, fumbles, and all that wonderful stuff. Our duties included traveling with the team to all away games. For anyone who thinks keeping stats for two years in a row doesn't really qualify you for a letter, try taking hour plus bus rides home with a team of football players. Most of them shower, but their pads still reek. I paid my dues.

What I Did Last Summer or Why I Now Hate Cops

I'm back! Again.

I was forced to take a hiatus from blogging so that I could play the leading role in one of the situations you read about where a parent is dragged through the court system because they let their children play outside while mom stayed inside to clean up the hurricane that is two school aged children in the middle of the summer.

Here is the short version:

Johnny was riding his bike around the block with his friend. You know down our street, around the corner, up the next street over around the corner again and back down the sidewalk in front of my house. Every three or four houses there was a house occupied by a friend or family member. Lily asked to go play outside. I said, "Yes, but stay in the yard, don't follow Johnny he doesn't want his kid sister hanging around." I then went back inside to finish packing up to go camping. 

Fifteen or twenty minutes later I went outback for a smoke break. I didn't see Lily but I heard her and from the direction of the sound of her giggles I assumed she had crossed the alley to play at Tenielle's house with BossyPants and BellaRose, something she is regularly allowed to do. About the time I finished my cigerette, the cop showed up. 

Mr. Motorcycle Cop asked if I knew where my daughter was. Apparently, She had been running after Johnny and his friend and while they were on the next street over, right in front of Tennille's house where they regularly play. A kind and concerned (read nosy) neighbor lady saw a small child running down the sidewalk without an adult and flagged down the cop. 

The end result is that I was charged with misdemeanor injury to a child. I got a public defender and would have tried my case before a jury, but since the outcome would have been dependent on the jury liking me and this whole ordeal has thrown my BPD into chaos (I went from minimum diagnostic symptoms to all nine in a matter of 24 hours), I chose to plea out. I am currently on a year probation with a years withheld judgment. That means that if I meet all the conditions of my probation (no problems with the law more serious then not wearing my seat belt and completing a parenting class by January 15th) then the judge will likely dismiss the case. Until then, it isn't even put on my record. As long as I go take this stupid state mandated parenting class that tells me to negotiate with my children and coddle them rather than putting my foot down, none of this will show up in a background check.  Because you know, there isn't enough crime in the US so we have to waste time and taxpayer dollars telling people how to raise their kids and prosecuting them for not doing it they way the 30 something with no kids from California* thinks they should.

*I do not really hate or discriminate against people from California, They just seem to be the ones moving into the very conservative area I live in and trying to make us all liberals**. In this case, the woman really did move here from California.

**I also do not have a problem with most liberals, just the ones who try to tell me how to live and parent and what I can and cannot buy, own, or eat, while telling me that I am close-minded and intolerant.

Saturdays in Redneckville: Backyard Camping and a Dead Mouse

So, what's the first thing you do after going camping? SLEEP. Then you set up your tent in your yard to air and sweep it out. And then you leave it up because the kids saw it and they want to sleep in it.

Tennille's kids have never been camping. EVER. So, we had a practice round in our backyard. Complete with s'mores.

Camping Dinner. Yep, Johnny was in a button down and a tie. He just wanted to. 

Our tent. Oh wait, this is David Tennant I got distracted.
 (I do not know the source of this picture, it was on Tennille's computer.
 If you own the copyright, please let me know,
I will credit you or take it down, which ever you prefer).

This is our tent. It's huge. We slept two adults and five kids and had room for at least two more sleeping bags.

I made fire. Without Larch. And without gasoline. Thank you Girl Scouts

Bella Rose all snuggled up.

Bossypants' first roasted marchmellow.

Oh yeah, we use old car seats as chairs around our backyard fire pit. 

Johnny like wearing no shirt. Flipper likes his marshmallows burnt. 

Tennille said the baby wanted marshmallows. I think she just felt nostalgic about childhood.

When we camp for real, the phones will be locked in the car. 

In other news....

Later in the week, my laundry room started to smell. I thought maybe the hot weather had just made the washing machine funky. The laundry didn't smell when it came out of the washer, and the drum didn't stink, but there was a definite odor around the washing machine. Thinking that perhaps a wet rag or sock had gotten dropped behind or beneath the machine, I pulled it out to investigate. This is what I found...

Yeah, the worst part is that Larch made me deal with it. I had to pull it out and throw it away. But I did it.

Today, I duct taped our kiddie pool back together. Give me a mullet and I could be the redneck woman poster child.

Saturday in Redneckville

So I've done a couple of Saturday in Redneckville labeled posts in the past but I have decided to make it a weekly feature. At least for the duration of the summer. The idea being that I will write about an interesting, redneck event experienced or perpetrated by my family and/or close friends. I think this will be infinitely easier than trying to continue Ten Things Tuesday, which I now realize was forced and not as funny and clever as I liked. Also, as I recover from BPD, I am losing my need to constantly make lists for and about everything.

So, here's how I envision this working. Every Sunday or Monday (smart money says Monday) I will post a Saturday in Redneckville post. I like the sound of that title. I have a feeling most things I write about will occur on a Saturday, but I can't guarantee it.

DISCLAIMER: Larch has informed me that he and his brothers are roughnecks not rednecks and that I barely qualify as a country girl and therefore I am definitely not a redneck woman. I will concede the point about roughneck verses redneck, but by and large the majority of the American population doesn't not understand the difference. I believe his lack of confidence in my country girl status is more his nice way of saying I am a wuss. He may be right, but I put my clothes on a line to dry, I make bread from scratch, I like to fish, and I know how to make a deer roast palatable, I think I am country enough. If you add in that I like to "stand barefooted in my own from yard with a baby on my hip" and my undying love of country music (and possibly my tendency to giggle uncontrollably while riding on the back of a 4-wheeler while slightly intoxicated) I think I may also qualify as a mildly redneck woman.

So for this week....I had a hard time deciding between a story involving a bar, lost kids, some cops and a pregnant woman, or to share pictures from Johnny's Birthday BBQ.  I chose the BBQ because Larch built the most awesome fort out of cardboard boxes and my 4 year old took a nap in a playpen. However, I promise to write about the other thing soon.  I've already told the pregnant woman that she has no say, I am writing it, but I will change her name.

Johnny's Birthday BBQ

The first thing you need to know about my family is that it's big. Larch is the oldest of four. All four Thornton kids has spouses (or in one case a long term girlfriend) Larch and I have Johnny and Lily. There is a 15 year old and two toddlers. That's 13 people so far. Larch's parents are divorced so there are three grandparents on that side of the family plus on really close friend who is not technically my mother in law's boyfriend. Now we are at 17. My side of the family has my mom, my dad, my sister, and one set of my grandparents (the other set live in New Mexico so they never come to family events). 22. Family events generally include one of our sets of friends who have a little girl Johnny's age and a new baby. That's 25 + a baby. Then you add in my bestie, her husband and their three kids, there is the distinct possibility of 30+ people being in my backyard for a family event like a birthday. Since we all have dogs, you could also add in up to 7 dogs. This weekend we only had 23, sixteen adults and 7 kids, and 2 dogs. That's a lot of hamburgers y'all.

As I said above, Larch built the most awesome cardboard box castle for the kids to hide out in.

Other redneck-ish occurrences included Johnny's receiving new arrows for his bow, a hunting backpack, and fishing gear among his presents. (He also received normal 7 year old presents like Legos, books, a movie, and a ladder ball set, which now that I think about it is more of an adult game, but still less redneck than a hunting backpack).

Also. Bonfire.

Johnny Turns 7

My first baby turned 7 at 6:42 this morning. I wasn't as upset as I thought I'd be.  Although I did tell my mom, or maybe it was my bestie to shut up when they pointed it out as I lit candles on his cake this afternoon. Today was also his last day of 1st grade. They grow up so darn fast.

Johnny wanted a Seattle Seahawks birthday party this year. Seeing as how they are the Superbowl Champions and I grew up in Seattle and they are the closest NFL team to our location and that we are just huge Seahawks fans anyways (even when they sucked), I said ok. The theme went as far as his invitations and the shirt he chose to wear today. Although I did make a football field cake.

Johnnhy talked me into inviting all the boys in his class over after school. Thank goodness only 5 of them were able to come. But I learned something. Seven year old boys in a group will entertain themselves. Also, if you ask if they are hungry, they will say no, but if you tell them you have pizza, they will run you over. And 6 first and second graders can drink a gallon and a half of Kool Aid in less than an hour.

Tomorrow we will have a family BBQ for the aunts and uncles and close family friends (read my bestie and her three kids who weren't invited to all boys party). Since it will be a Saturday, I will be writing another installment of "Saturdays in Redneckville" Sunday afternoon or Monday Monring (smart money is on Monday after the company and the hangovers are gone).

If you don't want to see a bunch of pictures of my son's party, stop here and come back later, otherwise, here are a bunch of pictures of my son and 5 little boys whose faces you can't see. Oh, and a close up of the letter T on Johnny's birthday cake for the Motherhood{honestly} June Photo Challange.

Lily doesn't know it's already busted and completely empty.

A History of Cake

Today I will be discussing the history of cake. Sort of. I will be sharing pictures of the cakes I have made over the last 6 years. 

The first awesome cake I made was a frog. I threw a 6 month birthday party for Johnny. It was an amazing first shaped cake. Regrettably, I cannot find any pictures. I'm sure they are around, I have just misplaced the disk.

The second cake was for Johnny's first birthday. It was a Noah's Ark. I am also missing pictures of this cake, but that's alright. I had the cake all made, complete with a bowl of blue jello under the cake stand, when it started to fall apart. It was a 3D cake and I did not glue the layers together well en

In January of 2009, Larch turned 30. I cranked out these two awesome cakes:

Two thousand nine was the year I discovered Bunco and so threw myself a Bunco Birthday Party. We ate ice cream cake for months. But, if Johnny every wants a Transformers birthday party, I can always make an Allspark cake.

After the Noah's Ark catastrophe, I was a little wary on Johnny's second birthday. I was just not up to creating a cake that looked like Elmo. So, I put Sesame Street cut outs on a sheet cake.

In 2010, for Johnny's 3rd birthday I had my confidence back, and created a 3D racecar.

January 2011 I got to create my first girl cake. I constructed an amazing pink and purple castle. Unfortunatly, I am unable to locate any digital pictures of this cake.

Johnny decided his fourth birthday would be a dinosaur party and that he wanted a cake from the store. His loss.

Last year, for Lily's 2nd birthday I formed this adorable monkey.

Johnny's 5th birthday was all about camo, he got cupcakes with little green army men on top.

This year, after only 24 days, I have built my two best looking cakes yet. For all thier simplicity, you can tell my skill is increasing.

Lily requested a Frosty the Snowman party. With Christmas decor on clearance, this party was really inexpensive to put together. And the cake looked amazing, if I do say so myself.

Here's my January run down: My nephew Emmett was born Jan 8, Lily is the 16th, Larch, my mom, and my dad celebrate their birth on the 18th, my Nana was born on the 19th, and Joe was born on the 22nd. AND Casey Joe joined us this year at 1:22pm on 1/22. Yep, Joe got a baby for his birthday and I now have 8 birthdays to celebrate in two week time span.

With Larch and Joe's birthday's being so close together, and not as big a deal as the kids, we generally throw one event for the two of them. This year we went bowling followed by tacos and cake at my house. Since Larch and Joe are both into military aircraft, I spent three hours planning, cutting, and frosting this masterpiece:

I can't wait to hear what Johnny plans for his 6th Birthday. I am up for almost any challenge he can throw at me.

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