Part Time Single Mom, Full Time Failing Housewife

A couple of months ago, Larch went back to work. After being a framer/sider for the last ten or so years, he is now an apprentice electrician. I changed jobs too. Instead of just being a stay-at-home-mom, I am now a part time single mother. Larch's job takes him half a state away, so for three to four nights a week, it's just me and the kids.

I've learned a few things in the last two and a half months.

1--I do not envy my single parent friends. They do everything I do, plus hold down a job to pay for all the same bills, plus child care. AND they are either perpetually lonely, or they have to fit time into their already busy lives to date. Nope,I do not envy them, I have a whole new respect for them.

2--Sleeping alone sucks. Even though most of the time the kids sleep in bed with me, it's different. Instead of my ice cold feet searching for a warm spot on Larch's side of the bed, I am experiencing Lily's ice cold feet in the small of my back.

3--I cannot eat what my kids eat three times a day.  I need more variety than mac and cheese, corn dogs, chicken nuggets, and peanut butter sandwiches. Did you know that one cup of prepared kraft mac and cheese is around 400 calories! Add a hot dog and you've just used half your daily intake for lunch. EW!

4--Phone calls are not the same as good night kisses.

5--I do not miss grocery shopping with my kids. It takes twice as long to do a weeks worth of household shopping with two children in tow.

Now that I know I don't like being a single stay at home mom, the idea has gotten into Larch's head that I should go back to work part time. HA! I am willing to go, but I can't keep up on the housework being at home full time, I don't know how he expects me to keep a clean house, cook meals, and provide clean clothes if I go back to work. I supposed I could try, but I wouldn't put money on my ability to do both.

P.S. I hope to have something interesting to share next week. We are going on our first camping trip of the season this weekend. Please pray it doesn't rain.

Ten Things Tuesday--Luxury verses Necessity

I had a conversation last week with an old friend about certain things being necessary for life. He doesn't understand how I can be happy and content living hand to mouth most of the year. So here are ten things we can all live without but choose not to, in my opinion anyway.

1.) The internet. My husband and I are both out of school, neither of us work a job where e-mail or internet access is utilized. My children are too small to be using the internet for school. Even if we did need it, the library provides free access. The internet is a luxury. I can absolutely live without it (although writing this blog without it would be difficult.

2.) Cars and Drivers Licenses. People in New York or other major cities might already get this. I live in small town USA though.  I have a number of friends who walk or bus everywhere they need to go. My sister-in-law didn't get her drivers license until she was nearly 30. I can get almost everywhere I want to go on foot or via the bus. The exceptions being my father-in-law's house and my sister-in-law's house.

Carry this in your purse.

3.) Cell Phones. I am old enough to remember when the only phone we had was tied to the wall of our kitchen. My very first phone was connected to the wall next to my bed. If I wasn't home, I couldn't talk. If I wasn't home and needed to make a call, I dropped 25 cents in the payphone. There was no texting. Honestly, sometimes I leave my cellphone at home on purpose to relive those days.

4.)  TV, Netflix, Hulu, etc. Yes, I have TV and yes I love it. However, in the summer time, the TV is lucky to get turned on for 5 hours a week. (That's an hour a day Monday thru Friday) and that's not just because there is nothing on when you don't have satellite or cable. Honestly, at least a part of the childhood obesity epidemic would be cured if kids climbed trees and played in the dirt. And reading requires more imagination.

5.) Canned Foods. Once upon a time, you made everything from scratch or you starved. Anything pre-made is purely for our convenience.

6.) Clothes Dryer. Technically you can live without the washer too, but no one really knows how to wash clothes by hand anymore. Dryers, however, are superfluous. I do have one and I do use it. In the summer, I hang my clothes on a line. My sister-in-law hangs all her clothes from her ceiling all year long.

7.)  Credit Cards. I have never had one and, unless I need to rent a car, I never will.

9.) Microwaves. This falls under the same reasoning as canned food. It's just to make things quick and easy. Leftovers can be heated up on the stove or in the oven. If you need to thaw something, take it out the day before.

10.) Dishwasher. Don't tell my husband I know this, but dishes can be done by hand. Really.

S is for Stain Removal

I often tell my friends and family I am the laundry stain removal queen.  I may be exaggerating a bit, but I'm pretty good at getting stains out of clothes. I have only found one or two stains stubborn enough I had to toss the garment.

I thought today, I might share some tips for getting tough spots out.

First things first; go buy some Borax and some Fels-Naptha. Borax costs four of five dollars and one bar of Fels-Naptha is less than a dollar at Wal-Mart.

Borax is an all natural laundry booster that has been around for 4,000 years. No, really. It's a mineral made up of sodium, boron, oxygen and water. It works like Oxy-Clean only better.

Fels-Naptha is a 100 year old stain remover and pre-treater. I swear by the stuff.

I add a little Borax to every load, unless I am bleaching our socks and undergarments. I treat every stain with Fels-Naptha.

To treat a stain with Fels-Naptha, get the garment wet and then rub the stain with the bar. Let the item sit for one to three minutes and then launder as usual. Do not use laundry bar soap on soda stains. I don't know why, but I'm not willing to find out.

There are a few stains that can be a bit tricky. I have special tricks for those.

Dry erase marker is a real pain. If you spray it with a main-line pre-treater, the stain will set and be there forever. I've been trying for a year to get dry erase ink out of a pair of pants my son doesn't even fit into anymore. However, Fels-Naptha will take it out in one or two washes. Just don't dry it between washes if it doesn't come out the first time.

Oil and grease stains seem to be rather stubborn also. Pre-treat the stain with a tiny bit of liquid dish soap. Not too much or you will over suds your washer. You can combine the dish soap with Fels-Naptha for extremely difficult grease stains.

Most people assume hair dye will not come out. They are only partially right. Sometimes, hair dye is there for good. I manage to remove stray dye drips by rinsing the spot with water and then spraying liberally with hairspray. If the stain did not come out in the first wash, I try more hair spray and Fels-Naptha. If the stain has lightened considerably by then, I try hair spray and Fels again, or, if they item is white, bleach. If the stain hasn't faded at all by the third wash, it's time to give up.

Finally, blood. Bloodstains are actually very easy to remove. Rinse the spot with 3% hydrogen-peroxide and then launder as usual. You can pre-treat after the peroxide treatment if you wish.

Good luck with your stains.

The Dial Corporation, owner of the Borax and Fels-Naptha's brands did not compensate me in any way, shape, or form for this post. I did not receive money or free product. I honest to goodness use these products in my home everyday. If, however, a representative of the Dial Corporation reads this and would like to compensate me, feel free to shoot me an email.

F is for Family

I have the most amazing family. I'm talking about my whole family: the family I grew up with, the family I started with my husband, and the family I inherited when I married my husband.

Last Saturday my tooth began to hurt. I knew it was coming, my filling fell out 2 years ago, but we are broke. By  Monday night, Ibuprofen was not longer cutting the pain, even when combined with Excedrin. Tuesday, My parents let me whimper in a corner. Ok, not really, but my mom drove to and from Bible study, they fed me and my kids lunch, and then my Dad came to my house and cleaned it while watching me kids.(He used to bribe me with slurpees to get me to clean my room).  He was really there to watch my kids while I went to the dentist, the cleaning my house part was an amazing extra.  They didn't have to do this, but they love me. And they know I'm pretty wimpy when it comes to pain even though I've delivered two babies with no pain killing drugs.

My husband wasn't being a jerk, he was working out of town. I'm a single mom Monday through Wednesday for the next few months. This is scary for me. I didn't want to go to the dentist at all because it really isn't in the budget. When he called Tuesday night and I told him that I had gone to the dentist and was getting a tooth pulled on Monday, he didn't complain about the money, he just made sure I was ok, the kids were ok, and that I wasn't driving them around while taking my pain killers (the dentist gave me antibiotics and Vicodin for my birthday). I think he wanted to be here to kiss me and make it better. He also knows I'm a wimp.

My inherited family, the people most refer to as in-laws, were helpful too. Well, the ones that knew. Larch's brother, J, his wife, B, and their 3 month old Emmett came by today after my appointment to drop off presents B had bought my kids on her recent trip to Oregon. Lily, received a Curious George book (she loves George) and Johnny got an awesome bomber jacket, the same bomber jacket I wanted to buy him 8 months ago but wouldn't because it was $80. B didn't spend that much, she and her mom and garage salers and thrift store shoppers.  Anyways, when B found out I was getting my tooth pulled on Monday, she told me to call her next week if I need help with the kids while I recover.

Even my kids made life easy. They did't understand why I was in pain, there were not bruises or band aids, but they could tell I was hurting. They went to bed on Tuesday without a fight. They just laid down on the couch and fell asleep. No yelling, no crying, hitting, just sweet sleeping angles.

I am so very blessed to have family who live close. I am doubly blessed that they are so willing to interrupt their lives to make my life just a little easier when it starts to get overwhelming. I would not trade my family for anything; not money, not fame, nothing.

Ten Things Tuesday--Cleaning

I have two preschool children. My kids love to make messes. I hate to clean but I have to. This is my list of 10 must have products for making cleaning up messes.

1.) Fels-Naptha Laundry Bar Soap.  This is better than Oxyclean, in my opinion. It's 97 cents at my local Wal-Mart. I use it to make my own laundry soap (recipe here) and to pre-treat stains. You get stained spot wet, rub with Fels-Naptha, lets sit for 1-5 minutes, launder as normal.  You cannot use this on Soda Pop stains. But, it takes everything else out. Even set in baby spit up and poop. And dry erase marker. This is my laundry hero.

2.) Mr. Clean Magic Eraser. My kids like to draw on the walls. I try to stop them, but Lily is stubborn and 2 years old. This takes everything off the wall, including permanent marker. I also use it to clean my kitchen cabinet doors; it takes off all those weird black smudgy finger prints left where the door is touched everything it's opened.

3.) Disinfecting Wipes. I go back and forth between Lysol and Clorox. I buy whatever is cheapest when I need to restock. I love that after I wipes down my counters I can just wipe to disinfect rather than spraying  and rinsing. I also use these to wipe down all light switches, door handles, sink handles, toilet flushers, and TV remotes in the house. Especially during flu season. I've also wiped down my cell phone with them.

4.) Swiffer Wet Jet. I'll be honest I'm just lazy and this is easy. But I really really love that I don't have to fill a bucket, wring a mop, or clean a bucket. Sometimes I still have to get on my hands and knees to scrub if I've got a really tough spot, but if I mop once a week, I don't normally run into that problem.

5.) Scrubbing Bubbles toilet gel. I really hate cleaning the toilet. I still have to on occasion, but these little gel things make the time between scrubbings longer.

6.) Febreze Laundry Odor Eliminator. I have cats, I have kids who are potty training. This gets all of the bad smells out of my laundry. It is a little spendy though. It's almost $9 a bottle. The linked page has a link for coupons for this product.

7.) Viva paper towels. I never thought I would be picky about paper towels. Viva seems to be the most expensive brand in the store. I splurge because I think they are the softest, strongest, most absorbent paper towels I've ever used. And I used them a lot. I know it's not ideal for the environment, but I'm lazy.

8.) Windex. Watch My Big Fat Greek Wedding.  I don't use it on zits, but I do use it on almost every surface in my house outside the kitchen.

9.) SHAM-WOW  they really are miracle workers. I use them for spills and drying dishes after I've washed them. It's like a supersoaker in reverse.

10.) Cascade Action Pacs.  Again, I am lazy, but these awesome little square are so much less messy than powder or gel and now that it's nearly impossible to find dishwasher detergent that is not phosphate-free I find they leave the least amount of spots and residue.

This is just my opinion, I was not paid or compensated in anyway by the makers or sellers of any of these products. These are the products I really do use in my home. I have used all of these products for at least 3 months, most of them longer than that.

My Terrible, Horrible, No Good Very Bad Day

I will start by saying I love my kids and would never harm them no matter what I say in the next few paragraphs.

Sundays are normally relaxing, pleasant days around our house.  Football, baseball, or NASCAR plays on the TV, I sit in my chair crocheting or playing Angry Birds, the kids play with their toys or chase each other through the house. Sometimes we have family over and we talk and drink and generally have fun--or recover from the night before. This week, there was no football and NASCAR doesn't start till next week.  Somehow, between that and the house being uncharacteristically clean, the kids were lost. I put them upstairs to watch The Lion King (Lily's current favorite movie), and sat down to work on some future blog posts. BAD IDEA.

I went to the kitchen to get a snack and smelled nail polish. With fear and trembling I went upstairs. When I got to the top of the stairs, the kids were the ones experiencing fear and trembling.  I had finally learned to put all my makeup and hair gear in my latched makeup case.  Lily, who is fascinated with makeup, is not old enough or strong enough to open the latch. Despite this fact, my makeup case was open, everything was uncapped and spread all over. The air reeked of Moroccan hair oil, hairspray and nail polish. Johnny's eyes were as wide as saucers. He knew he was in trouble. I was livid.

Johnny admitted to opening the case for Lily. And to helping make the mess. He had painted his entire hands with nail polish, helped to cover my folding chair with lipstick and who knows what else. I swore loudly and marched Johnny out to the shop to work off the $30 of products he had helped to destroy: three lipsticks, a brand new foundation, and entire bottle of Moroccan oil, two bottles of nail polish, half a jar of face powder, and three tubes of lip gloss. I then went upstairs to clean up.

It took me 30 minutes to clean it all up. Johnny was told if he touched anything on my makeup table again he would not be allowed to go to his 100 days of school party Monday, and that if Lily touched anything he was to come and get me immediately. I went outside to smoke a cigarette (yes, yes, I have quit, but sometimes you just need one) and cool down. I was finally ready to face my kids, so Larch and I came inside.

I walked into the kitchen, covered my eyes and said "Larch, you deal with this, you just take this one, I'm done."

Both kids were sitting on the counter. The kitchen floor was covered in 2 or 3 banana peels and a dozen (yes a whole dozen, count them 12) broken eggs. Johnny said Lily threw all the eggs. I believe him. The last time he threw eggs, I threatened to hurt him, then we drove to grandmas, and I started treatment for my BPD.

Larch is so awesome. He set the kids in timeout (Johnny paused on his way to timeout to ask me why I was crying), cleaned up the eggs, and allowed me to order pizza instead of cooking. I could not have asked for a more understanding husband. With a smile on his face, he even asked after the makeup incident if I was going to kill the kids.  And laughed when I answered "No. I want to, but I won't."

6 Birthdays, 7 days

When people say "I'm glad Christmas is here, the stress is ending," I smile.  The 30 days after Christmas are generally as busy as the 30 days leading up to it, if not more so.  The 26th of December is my mother-in-law's birthday. Then we have New Years Eve. This could be skipped, but I married into a partying, drinking family and we like an excuse to hang out and lower our inhibitions. Recently, we have added to the list Emmett's Birthday. This year it's awesome, next year not so much and this is why. January 8-Emmett's Birthday; January 16-Lily's Birthday; January 18-Larch, my mom and my dad share a birthday (that's actually kinda convienent); January 19- my Nana's birthday; January 22-Emmett's daddy's birthday. Yep that's right, 6 birthdays in 7 days.

This year January looked like this.  New Years eve with Larch and Johnny. The following weekend (this most recent one) we have a house full of people to celebrate the birth of baby Emmett. This coming Friday will be Lily's second birthday party. Saturday and Sunday we will help my MIL move into her new apartment. sometime between Monday and Thursday we will likely have dinner with my Nana and Gramps, sister, mom, and dad, to cover all the birthdays on my side of the family. This also is a good thing. I found out today Gramps' cancer is in remission and I will be able to see him and hug him and share my children with him for the first time since Halloween.  Saturday the 21st I am planning to throw a joint party for my hubby and his brother. After that I plan to sleep for a week.

I like to complain about how tiring this is, and with BPD it is very tiring. But really, I love it. Family is the most important thing in my life (or should be) and I love being around with, seeing them, and generally goofing off with them. Sometimes I wish every month could be like this and then I look at my house and realise i hate cleaning way to much to entertain every other weekend all year long.  No really. Ask anyone, I don't like to clean.

Brea