A Reply

If you haven't read "To My Friends Who Became Mothers Before Me" at Scarymommy.com, go here first and read it. This is my reply.

To my now knowledgeable, and therefore guilt-ridden, best friend who has finally taken the plunge into motherhood.

You are forgiven.

You are forgiven for uttering the words "I'm tired." You didn't know. I didn't know before kids either. Take heart, it gets better. It will be years yet, but eventually your children will be less demanding and you may get to sleep in or take a nap.

You are forgiven for your welling meaning baby food book. To be honest, I don't really remember you giving it to me, much less where I put it. 

You are forgiven for thinking it would be fun for you and your boyfriend to be my house guests days before delivery. I was the fool who said ok. I was thinking pregnancy is miserable and I needed a distraction from all the waiting.

You are forgiven for calling me with all of your single girl drama. Yes, talking on the phone is torture with young kids, but maybe more for you than for me. I was the one who kept interrupting you to yell at the kids. To be honest, I was feeling nostalgic about "the good old days" and you reminded me that my life as a mother was hectic but much less drama filled. And I was dying to talk to someone who could use words longer than two syllables.

You are forgiven for talking to me while sleep deprived. You didn't know. And don't worry about rubbing my feet. That's my husband's job.

You are forgiven for not bringing me food, or folding my laundry, or doing my dishes. (You are a better cook now, then you were then). Thank YOU for not commenting on the disastrous state of my house. For finding a place to sit amongst the clean but unfolded laundry piles with nary a word. And for holding the baby while I made you that lunch. I am human. I didn't tell you then, but all I did was warm up the leftovers from dinner the night before. I'm glad you liked it.

Please do not apologize for asking me to come downtown for margaritas. On the occasions I did go, I really needed an excuse to shower. On the times I didn't, I really wanted to, but passed out while putting the kids to bed. Speaking of margaritas, do you want to go out and have one, or should I bring the ingredients and the blender to your place after bedtime?

You are forgiven for your baby envy. It happens to everyone. Even when you have kids. Sometimes especially when you have older kids.

You are forgiven for not knowing my children's nap and meal schedule. I may have grumbled then, but it taught them to sleep anywhere and be flexible. And if you stayed with me through their crankiness, you have paid your penance. 

You are so welcome. Loving someone means putting someone else's needs before your own. I knew that before the stupid snowman said it to the girl who sang the song I can't get out of my head. I will always stand by you. You stuck it out with me.

Thank you. Mothers often feel under appreciated. You too, are doing an amazing job. You are an awesome mother. I am proud of you for taking on motherhood after having seen me struggle through it. You are truly brave. I will always be your friend.

Ten Things Tuesday--Luxury verses Necessity

I had a conversation last week with an old friend about certain things being necessary for life. He doesn't understand how I can be happy and content living hand to mouth most of the year. So here are ten things we can all live without but choose not to, in my opinion anyway.

1.) The internet. My husband and I are both out of school, neither of us work a job where e-mail or internet access is utilized. My children are too small to be using the internet for school. Even if we did need it, the library provides free access. The internet is a luxury. I can absolutely live without it (although writing this blog without it would be difficult.

2.) Cars and Drivers Licenses. People in New York or other major cities might already get this. I live in small town USA though.  I have a number of friends who walk or bus everywhere they need to go. My sister-in-law didn't get her drivers license until she was nearly 30. I can get almost everywhere I want to go on foot or via the bus. The exceptions being my father-in-law's house and my sister-in-law's house.

Carry this in your purse.

3.) Cell Phones. I am old enough to remember when the only phone we had was tied to the wall of our kitchen. My very first phone was connected to the wall next to my bed. If I wasn't home, I couldn't talk. If I wasn't home and needed to make a call, I dropped 25 cents in the payphone. There was no texting. Honestly, sometimes I leave my cellphone at home on purpose to relive those days.

4.)  TV, Netflix, Hulu, etc. Yes, I have TV and yes I love it. However, in the summer time, the TV is lucky to get turned on for 5 hours a week. (That's an hour a day Monday thru Friday) and that's not just because there is nothing on when you don't have satellite or cable. Honestly, at least a part of the childhood obesity epidemic would be cured if kids climbed trees and played in the dirt. And reading requires more imagination.

5.) Canned Foods. Once upon a time, you made everything from scratch or you starved. Anything pre-made is purely for our convenience.

6.) Clothes Dryer. Technically you can live without the washer too, but no one really knows how to wash clothes by hand anymore. Dryers, however, are superfluous. I do have one and I do use it. In the summer, I hang my clothes on a line. My sister-in-law hangs all her clothes from her ceiling all year long.

7.)  Credit Cards. I have never had one and, unless I need to rent a car, I never will.

9.) Microwaves. This falls under the same reasoning as canned food. It's just to make things quick and easy. Leftovers can be heated up on the stove or in the oven. If you need to thaw something, take it out the day before.

10.) Dishwasher. Don't tell my husband I know this, but dishes can be done by hand. Really.

S is for Stain Removal

I often tell my friends and family I am the laundry stain removal queen.  I may be exaggerating a bit, but I'm pretty good at getting stains out of clothes. I have only found one or two stains stubborn enough I had to toss the garment.

I thought today, I might share some tips for getting tough spots out.

First things first; go buy some Borax and some Fels-Naptha. Borax costs four of five dollars and one bar of Fels-Naptha is less than a dollar at Wal-Mart.

Borax is an all natural laundry booster that has been around for 4,000 years. No, really. It's a mineral made up of sodium, boron, oxygen and water. It works like Oxy-Clean only better.

Fels-Naptha is a 100 year old stain remover and pre-treater. I swear by the stuff.

I add a little Borax to every load, unless I am bleaching our socks and undergarments. I treat every stain with Fels-Naptha.

To treat a stain with Fels-Naptha, get the garment wet and then rub the stain with the bar. Let the item sit for one to three minutes and then launder as usual. Do not use laundry bar soap on soda stains. I don't know why, but I'm not willing to find out.

There are a few stains that can be a bit tricky. I have special tricks for those.

Dry erase marker is a real pain. If you spray it with a main-line pre-treater, the stain will set and be there forever. I've been trying for a year to get dry erase ink out of a pair of pants my son doesn't even fit into anymore. However, Fels-Naptha will take it out in one or two washes. Just don't dry it between washes if it doesn't come out the first time.

Oil and grease stains seem to be rather stubborn also. Pre-treat the stain with a tiny bit of liquid dish soap. Not too much or you will over suds your washer. You can combine the dish soap with Fels-Naptha for extremely difficult grease stains.

Most people assume hair dye will not come out. They are only partially right. Sometimes, hair dye is there for good. I manage to remove stray dye drips by rinsing the spot with water and then spraying liberally with hairspray. If the stain did not come out in the first wash, I try more hair spray and Fels-Naptha. If the stain has lightened considerably by then, I try hair spray and Fels again, or, if they item is white, bleach. If the stain hasn't faded at all by the third wash, it's time to give up.

Finally, blood. Bloodstains are actually very easy to remove. Rinse the spot with 3% hydrogen-peroxide and then launder as usual. You can pre-treat after the peroxide treatment if you wish.

Good luck with your stains.

The Dial Corporation, owner of the Borax and Fels-Naptha's brands did not compensate me in any way, shape, or form for this post. I did not receive money or free product. I honest to goodness use these products in my home everyday. If, however, a representative of the Dial Corporation reads this and would like to compensate me, feel free to shoot me an email.